Grown WomanNess...

Happy New Year from LoveJonesLifestyle to all of you who check us out, no matter how sporadic we post! Lol! What can we say? We live. Sometimes, the discussions about what needs to be seen on this blog are so in depth and enthusiastic, but then when it comes to putting ink to the paper or more appropriately, keystrokes to the post, we fall short because life will call us by our first names and send us on a load of errands. We have jobs to work, families to care for, art to create, etc. While twenty-four hours seem like a long time, it's really not when you're attempting to squeeze eighteen hours worth of life management into it. Once we do get settled, Zenzile and I may pull up a post, hit a few sentences, and then lose our fight to remain awake long enough to finish it. But that's what we do. It's our Grown WomanNess.

Both of us have noticed that the interwebs are full of spirited voices of Black women, speaking on a host of issues and topics, however, we've also noticed that many of their commentaries reek of a bit of immaturity, largely due to the fact that we're not in that mental space anymore. Zenzile & I are part of, what I like to call, the Slo Woman group. I have to give credit to Mint Condition for this concept. They have a song on their recently released album, Music @ the Speed of Life, by the same name. I would say that the Slo Woman group is about 35 and over.  Members of this group have graduated to this point where certain issues have lost their critical weight in our lives. We're not having full-fledged discourses about our 'nerdiness' or fashion sense. We snub our noses at about 90% of popular culture as we're not concerned about being apart of trends so much as we're interested in setting them.  We're not even tempted to randomly mention that rash of reality shows that have permeated so much of Black culture.

Instead, we engage in heady and frank discussions about things like art, culture, emotionality, sexuality, and spirituality over good glasses of wine, or in Zenzile's case, Starbucks coffee.  Our approaches to life are highly customized based on the philosophies that we've acquired by way of Fuck-Ups and we're fully capable of readjusting our sails if the winds of change blow us from East to West, North to South.  Now, whatever you do, don't take us for a group of prudes or snobs as we are FAR from that. The Slo Woman group is filled with women who make self-definition sexy. We exist as we are and make no apologies for it.    

So, as we kick off a new year, we owe it to you, our readers, to be more visible here at LoveJonesLifestyle. While the number of our posts may not indicate it, we do have a lot to say and even more to share. Please, do us a favor. If you're on Facebook, find our LoveJonesLifestyle fanpage, like it and join us this year for some stimulating discussion and sign up to this blog so you won't miss any of our posts. Remember, we live and while we expect to post more content in 2013, we're not gonna make any promises that we can't keep by telling you to look for two-five posts a month and then barely get one posted.  See, that's something else that Grown Women do -- set realistic expectations. :-)

Blessings,
Chandra Kamaria  

Grown and Sexy? Redefining being Grown...

Much of today's discussion about adulthood has been centered around the notion of being "grown and sexy". The reality though, if you'll think about the awesome days of childhood, is that there's not much about being grown that's "sexy". Remember back in the day? endless days of play, visits to relatives, schoolyard fun and being relatively carefree? Adulthood, for most of us is just the opposite.

Of course, here at LJL we work to make sure our adulthoods contain those elements that made us happiest as kids; music, art, love, friendship and community. 

Which brings me to my point. Isn't it time we redefined what being "grown" really is. Surely there's more to adulthood than being "sexy".

The grownups I talk to, respect and admire often emphasize the friendships they share with their loved one or significant other as the highlight of their adult relationships, not the sex. The reality is, in a world where being grown came relatively easy to our parents generation, (graduate from school, secure "good" job with benefits, and begin a family) those same markers are often elusive to Generation X and Millennials. The current economic climate has sent many of us right back to our parents' basements, and because of the relaxed climate around marriage and expanding structure/definition of family, the stability and security our parents generation experienced just is not a guarantee.

My thinking around being "grown,"  although my current life closely resembles traditionalism, although through a VERY non-traditional path,  has been altered as I think about the significance of adulthood.

For me, adulthood is less about establishing my own autonomy, and more about being of use to my community. So, while I do work to move forward in my own career, accomplish personal goals and  build and invest in my family, part of my work as an adult is to take advantage of the opportunity it gives me to be of use to more than just myself.

As an educator, my paid work is closely tied to community support. I do way more work than I am paid for, and my hours off the clock never really mean I am off. It doesn't end in the classroom and with more technology comes more access, and more opportunities to teach. My subject matter often means that I not only serve as an academic, but also engage in the work of guiding the personal and emotional maturing of my students.

As a parent, of course I see myself as wholly responsible for the success of my sons, even though they are surrounded by wonderfully supportive extended family, educators, child care workers, neighbors and friends.
But I'm also incredibly concerned about their social circle, and of course the young ladies they attend school with. I'm  concerned about their educational institutions and community activities that are available to all kids.

Lately, I've been engaged in a significant amount of volunteer work and have found a great deal of satisfaction in doing work that supports my community in multiple ways. In this work, I've found the true meaning of being "grown". Its not simply growth, or maturity, but becoming an individual that is useful to the community in a variety of ways.

How do YOU do "grown" LJL family???